Saturday, June 29, 2013

Adventure, Mystery, Intrigue: A Lesson in How Not to Miss Your Calling

Ok. Hi.  The only explanation for my absence is The Lord.  That's right.

The Lord.

Motion Picture Associates of America

Is your version of God, Charlton Heston, too?  I'm kidding.  Mine's really not.

Truth be told, we're transitioning a lot around This Here Place.

     And in the past few months, whenever I contemplated blogging, I distinctly heard The Voice of The Lord telling me not to. So I didn't. And I haven't, and here we are now.   This week, I started getting really excited about The Idea of Writing again so I figured that was a good sign it was time to come back, lest He strike me with His Really Big Stick.  

I'm totally kidding.  I doubt God carries a Really Big Stick.  He needs one hand to hold His coffee.  

Oh boy.  This is worse than my Dead Fish Post.  

The long and short of it is that I am not going back to work next year. 


     I know this is the right thing for our family right now, but when it was all said and done- I grieved my head off because I loved my co-workers and my kids.   (hence the two month blogging absence).  

But...

   All I can tell you is that we have a tiny hallway between our bathroom and bedrooms, and I want a life that inspires cartwheels down the hall. I have spent far too many nights sitting on the floor crying to Tim in the hallway while he showers. 



He is a good husband.  

     It is the worst feeling... That inner conflict...feeling as if you are Smack Dab in the Middle of Missing Your Calling.  For me, teaching has been nine years of, as Mark Driscoll would say, long obedience in the same direction ...and now we cut bait. 

I kept reading things that reinforced my departure from teaching.  (I'll note them below).  

Even recently, one of my favorite bloggers wrote about Her Fun Life, and I just thought....I want that.  I want a "fun" life.  

And when I think about those nights on the floor...in the hallway...it was abundantly clear that I didn't have it.*
 
     I spent a long time being Very Sad.  I was, as Oskar Schell would say, zipped up in the sleeping bag of myself, and I learned that there are 1,000 Ways to Grieve and even more reasons why.  (Mine looks like eating out every single night and stashing old pizza boxes in the bath tub because there's no room in the trash.  I'm kidding.  Kind of.)  

      It has been an interesting road but one that is hard and necessary and good; the struggle before a chick hatches. For the first time in a long time I have absolutely no idea what's coming next, but I honestly hope you'll keep reading and come along with us.  


Let's make old-time-y circus posters that say...

2013-2014...

Adventure! 

Mystery!

Intrigue! 

You grab the ink, I'll grab the paper.  
     When I blew out my birthday candles this year, I wished for peace, and even though you aren't supposed to spill those beans...

I wished for peace, and I know I'll get it. 


Love, and hold on tight!
Holly 




Here are two blogs I found helpful.  If I had a Fairy Godmother, Jen Hatmaker would be it. 


 Stuck in the Doldrums: An Attack Plan

When is it Time to Walk Away? 


*For the record, I do NOT want to sound ungrateful or as if my life isn't "fun."  And I do not want to sound like, "I quit my job to have 'fun.' " 

     
     It is so easy and so complicated at the same time.  All I can chalk it up to is something spiritual, and I hate to sound condescending, but either you've been there before,  and you get it...or you haven't, and you don't.    I know when I am older/wiser and can see the past year with more clarity, I'll realize that the unrest in my heart was truly The Lord telling me it was time to move on from teaching.  So by "fun life, " what I really mean is just what I said.... a life at peace = fun.  


I love my co-workers...I love my kids.  There were days when they were both my greatest joys.  


But, as my favorite band would say, "Pack a change of clothes, cause it's time to move on."  


If you have questions/need advice/helpful remarks, please feel free to email me at holls_y{at}hotmail.com 

    

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