Tim and I celebrated our six year anniversary on Saturday, and I'm pretty stinking excited about it. Every year feels like a victory. I love celebrating it. I'm not entirely sure what kind of trouble we will get ourselves into this year (We had an out of town wedding on our anniversary...so fun to share it with friends) so the wheels are still turning. I love daydreaming about a quick road trip or romantic dinner somewhere. The prep work is almost as good as the actual date itself! Today, I'm sharing six lessons I've learned over the years that SHOULD have been super easy to master. Sometimes, a gal just needs to take the long way. Today I'm gonna try to spare you the trouble. ;)
1. Be kind. This one needs no more explanation. The choice is obvious (and HARD). Choose kindness. When you're both running late. When dinner catches on fire. When the milk gets left out.
Just be kind.
2. Talk through the times when you feel out of control. Sometimes your spouse will struggle with things that are beyond everyone's control. For me, this is weight related. That's a loooong story and not at all what this post is about. ( I just wanted to give a relevant example). It is hard for Tim to watch me struggle with my weight. He wants to "fix it" for me and he just can't. It's not an easy fix and not something I can control entirely, either. We do the best we can. So. In the interest of time, that's all imma' say about that.
How will you handle the struggles that are beyond your control?
My advice? Snuggle. Hold hands. Kiss good-bye and hello. Fake it till' you make it. Stay humble. Stay vulnerable. Stay open. Don't give up. Go back to #1.
3. You will never get this time back. The band, O.A.R. has a special place in my heart. They were hugely popular among my friends when I was in college (They attended OSU). They have a new song out called, "Peace."
I always feel a little cheesy quoting song lyrics, but these words really spoke to my heart.
We ran another off the tracks.
That's time we can't get back,
but we can save tomorrow if we try.
With that being said, I'm a pouter. Sigh. Pout, pout, pout. Isn't that embarrassing? So...just remember (again, I've learned this the hard way)-
Every minute you spend actin' a fool is a minute lost in the pursuit of a happy, Christ-filled marriage. There will never be another date night/dinner/car ride EXACTLY like this one. Don't waste it by acting like wifezilla.
Oh. You wanted to see a picture of a reptile wearing a wedding veil? You've come to the right place. You're welcome.
4. Don't make it weird. If you're going through a tough season, try not to focus on the "weirdness." Tim and I have had our fair share of "weirdness." Strange distance. Lulls in conversation. Busy schedules. Just recently, I found myself praying, "Lord, we're just in a weird spot right now." But then I realized...maybe I was the one bringing the weirdness.
Whatever you water will grow. Don't water the weirdness. <<< That sounds crazy.
But seriously, am I right? Now, I am trying to say/pray positive affirmations....things like, "Everything is going to be ok." Or, "I'm so thankful for...."
5. Remember, you chose him. Tim does not coddle me. He just doesn't and it drives me insane. When I am running late, and I'm frustrated, he is the first person to say,
"Hi. You should have gotten up earlier."
So. Not entirely helpful but necessary at times, nonetheless. Whenever I start to get a little bit nutty about this, I just remember that I KNEW this about Tim before I married him, and that was my choice. I chose him. I knew he was like this. I need to get over it.
Let it gooooo! Let it gooooo!
6. Remember, you married a man. Everyone else's husband is a man too. The other day, we went out to eat. I ordered a pineapple tea and I was suuuper excited about it. Tim was not. He just kept saying it was iced tea with pineapple juice in it and frankly, the whole ordeal left me a little bit indignant. (I just used the word "ordeal" when explaining a situation in which I ordered pineapple tea if that gives you any idea of what it's like to live with me #overlydramatic #ilovemesometea).
Then my friend told a story about her husband and baby names. My 30-ish weeks pregnant friend had asked, in desperation, in an absolute panic...
WHAT IF OUR BABY DOESN'T "LOOK LIKE" THE NAME WE PICKED !?!?!
And her husband was like. "It's a baby. Our baby is going to look like a baby. Let's just name it."
So. We are gals and we married men and men don't get too excited about baby names or pineapple teas. It's not personal. It's just the way it is.
But I guess I'd rather have Tim behave that way than have him be like...
OMG IS THAT PINEAPPLE TEA!?!?!
Do you know what I mean? One of us has to be hysterical and one of us has to be the stoic/brave/realist when the zombies attack.
It's ok. I'm making peace with my role, and I'm learning to make peace with his.
Is it weird if I end this post with, "Love you." ?
Well. I do. I believe in marriage, and the fact that you even took the time to read a post about how to have a better one speaks volumes about yours. :)
You can do it. Don't give up.
Love and I'm here if you need me.