Friday, September 28, 2012

Closer than ever

My books are late.  My library books are late.  Tim and I joke that my late fees alone funded the fancy new digs our library's got going on.

It just kind of is what it is.

And that fact alone used to hold a lot of weight.

I would get really mad.  At myself.  At the stupid library.  At the calendar in general.

Today, we discovered that a bill of ours had flown under the radar for the first time in the four years we've been married.  That's a pretty good track record, if you ask me.

And I got in the car with 2 late notices in hand (book. bill.)  And I thought....

"Why am I not freaking out about this?"

Because usually (and this is ridiculous)...I get Very Frustrated and I chalk this up to yet again something negative about me/us and parenthood.

i.e. people who don't tie up these kinds of loose ends have no business having babies.

And it was then that I realized my perspective has changed....I'm not that upset about it because a.) no one died and  b.) I'm starting to identify myself as The Daughter of a Heavenly King rather than just as someone who doesn't always get their i's dotted on time.

And that thought was perhaps the most profound thought I've had in a good, long while.

I think we will look back and say that we knew we were ready for a baby when we started changing the way we talked to ourselves and that, in turn, changed the way we talked to each other.

We're not completely there, yet.  At least I'm not, but we are closer than ever.

Love and I didn't even read the book,
H.



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