Old Joy #322 or A Post About High Heels & Body Image

I'm in an Online Bible Study/Community Group with some Mighty Fine Ladies, and last week, we talked a lot about our blogs and becoming better writers in general.

We talked a little bit about "word vomit."  While, I'm not a huge fan of that terminology...

and

It is a good way to describe, "Just Getting Things Down."

A lot of words in a small amount of time.  Little to no editing.

And I thought I'd give it a whirl.



     I don't want to give a lot of revealing details because I don't want to embarrass the ladies I'm about to (nicely) mention.

     Last week, I went to an exercise class, and there were two really, really pretty girls in the front row.

     They could have been gymnasts...or ballerinas...or movie stars.  Fit. petite. tan. blonde. skinny.

I mean.  Let's be honest, their attractiveness was noticeable.

So, I thought to myself, "What must it be like...to be the hottest girl in the room?"

And I know "hot" is a relative term.  Tim would probably say, "They're too skinny."

And God bless Tim Young.  He has a record of preferring "curvy" girls.  

Hello. Have you seen me?

But in my book, they were hot.

And I realize...we all have different strengths.  And I know I value "thin" and "pretty" waayyyy too much.

I feel like (maybe I'm exaggerating), but if someone could say, "Pick your weight."  I would probably say, "Hi. I would like to weigh 95 pounds."

Even though I know my husband would not find that attractive (on me, personally.  No offense to all you petite gals out there).

What does it say about me- the fact that I would rather look like what I think is "hot" rather than what my husband thinks is "hot?"

And I'm starting to think this whole "word vomit" thing was a bad idea. ;)

Why aren't I asking....

What is it like to be the most generous person in the room? The hardest worker?  The most organized?  The most financially responsible?

Like, I rarely say to myself, "She is so generous.  I need to grow in that area."  Or, "She is so well-read.  I need to ask her for book suggestions."

But I often think, "I would pay $10,000 for her thigh gap."

And that makes me sad.

So.  There we are.

I don't know.  I need to try to value inner qualities more than I value the way other women look.

It's like...oh, you're pretty?  Come sit by me.  

     You know...those surveys where they ask little girls, "Would you rather be smart or pretty?" And everyone is appalled because "OMG...96.8% of the little girls said they would rather be pretty and what is this nation coming to...we have to save the children!?!?!?"

You all. 

     I would totally pick "pretty."  I KNOW the "right" answer is "smart." But I also believe you can handle anything as long as it is dealt with in honesty.  Thank you to my friend, Susan Smith Riewerts for The Best Advice Ever circa 2007.  ;) 

Maybe that is the wrong question.  Because it is possible to be both. 

So. There's that.  

     Also, I've stopped getting on the scale (for now).  Because the number is never good enough.  If it ends in a 6, I BEG for it to end in a 5 and when it finally ends in a 5, I'm asking why the last number isn't a 4. 

And that is not the pathway of Jesus.  


Word vomit, word vomit. Hardy-har har.

     When you see me accidentally going left when everyone else is going right it's because I'm actually writing blog posts in my head as I exercise. ;)

If we're going to compare, it should at least be in a healthy, well-balanced way, I suppose.

In other news...

     Two weeks ago, I bought a pair of heels.  I haven't owned a real-life pair of high heels in a long time. In fact, I remember trying some on about a year ago, and joking to the lady in the aisle, 

"The year is 2013, and I'm no longer wearing heels."

In hindsight, I was tired.  I don't mean "tired from shopping" or "just needed a nap."

You all.

I was tired.

And I think also a little depressed.  And out of shape.  Ha.  

Do you get the idea or should I keep listing thangs'?

So. I bought heels.  And I'm in love, I'm in love.  And I am like, 2 months, "off the nail."  
(I'm a 32 year old recovering nail-biter).

All good things.

I'm gonna be honest. I don't know how to end this...and I'm worried that I am making myself out to sound self-conscious and, as the kids are saying these days, "Cray cray." Read: Crazy.  When, actually the opposite is true, I suppose.  

So. Hooray.  

In my next post, I'm going to be like, "HEY GUYS!  LET'S TALK ABOUT HOW WELL BALANCED AND NORMAL I AM!  EVERYONE ACT NATURAL!"  ;)  

One of the hardest parts about getting married is that sometimes, you will take a picture that you like of yourself...but your husband has one eye 1/2 way closed.  

Tim Young. Get with the program.

So you will have to post one of each. ;)

Also, this dress is a size 14.  I haven't worn a size 14 since Bush was in Office. 

Hold my coffee while I cartwheel down this here hall... in my new heels.  

Love and be kind.