Monday, January 3, 2011

Something I haven't even told my mom

      This is a post about something I've yet to tell my mom.  And I tell her everything.  The truth is (I hate saying that because it leads you to believe that some things I say aren't THE TRUTH, but "the truth is," I just can't kick the habit).

     Anyway, the truth is, I pulled my back out yesterday.  While putting on my shoes.  My new-last-pair-in-my-size-got-them-on-sale-berry colored boots, no less.  So, I spent the better part of today walking around like The Grinch.  This is how The Grinch walks, in case you forget.   Cause you probably haven't seen him since last year (Haha).


source unknown

So, needless to say, I'm Rather Grumpy and feeling quite brazen in regards to the news I do and do not share today.

Lucky us, right?

     I just finished Crowded Skies by Tara Leigh Cobble.  It's amazing.

     You should know that I don't take my book reviews lightly.  In this, her second memoir, TLC shares the details of her move to New York City.  And it's odd.  It's odd because a lot of her journey in regards to New York reminded me of my pursuit to stay home with our future kiddos.  She often prays for God to Do Something.

That's right.  Something.

     Two nights ago, I dreamed that I was offered a part-time position as our school's librarian (which would rock, by the way). However, I'm pretty sure that position is never going to exist in real life.

But I thought of this book and started praying that God would Do Something.  I started praying that God would do Something that would help us get our own version of New York City.

And today, Tim lost his job.

     Whoa.  I should have told you to sit down for that one.  Ha. See, that is so fun because I totally knew that's what this post was about and you had no clue!  You should see the look on your face right now.  You're shocked right?

Yea, us too.

The truth is, we think it is a temporary/seasonal lay-off.

And I think I wanted a rainstorm and accidentally received a drought.

And today, I got in the car and cried.  Not because I'm afraid.  Not because I'm upset.  I just cried from the sheer weight of it all.

      When we were little, my sister and I would wrestle.  That's right.  We would wrestle...in our little spandex gymnastic tights.  Even though there is not a Mean Bone in Sweet Heather Marie's body, I would still start to cry when she would lay on me.  I knew.  I understood that I was going to have to surrender.  I would have to give up.

    Last summer, I wrote about feeling small.  I wrote about spending the day in the airport and realizing that the time had come for Tim and I to surrender to something that was greater than ourselves.

How much do you love the word surrender?

And, once again- here we are.

Today, I read a story to my kids about a penguin who gets separated from his friends when his island of ice breaks in half.  Later, he writes in the snow...

I Give Up.

(Don't worry, it ends well).

And I think there is just something so inspiring about that little guy.  Giving up.

Sometimes, I try to be inspiring.  I try to say things to you like, "So if you are reading this and you feel....or if you are reading this and you have a case of The Glumps, then...."

But today, I've got nothing.

The truth is, I don't know what God is doing...but I give up.

I give up, but I'm still in...if that makes any sense.  I'm still in for whatever He has in store for us.

This was not the Something I expected.

Then again, it rarely is, right?

Love,
H.

And now, I shall go call my mom.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

I think that is the thing about surrendering to God... you give up, but you are still in.... it's just not up to you. It's up to Him. I love you and will praying for peace for you and Tim. You know I have battled much with troubles in the work realm, but I believe in a bigger and better plan that I have no idea about.... Love, Jenny

Mrs. Werginz said...

Girl...I will put you in my prayers.

Jena Carper said...

So sorry to hear about Tim losing his job. It's usually in the times when we're crying and wanting to scream "God what in the world are you doing??" that he is most at work. He does all things for the good of those who love him. Praying for you and Tim :)

carmen said...

Oh, Holly. I'm so sorry to hear that :( I literally gasped out loud when I read that Tim lost his job... Boy, God has a sense of humor, huh? Well I hope this is some comfort to you, but I remember when I was praying something similar--that God would do something--and then I got the news that my freelance job was ending! It was totally NOT what I expected, but God still worked it out beautifully and without us ever suffering, though all other signs would have made us think we would! So I look forward to hearing how this unfolds and expect that God will work his masterpiece into it. Praying for you guys!! xo

Roxanne and Lorraine said...

I'm also sorry to hear your news, but you don't seem to be very sorry for yourself and that is quite inspiring. I hope all works out well for you and your family and I'm almost sure that they have to with your faith. :)

Lor

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