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Saturday, January 29, 2011

The State of The Union waistline

     About five years ago, there was a period of time where I quit taking communion.  I quit taking communion because the idea of eating something in between meals just didn't appeal to me.  (For those of you playing at home, we are talking about a shot glass of grape juice and an oyster cracker, not a two aisle buffet line).  

I was crazy.  It's ok. You can think that.  It's true.  

     I was obsessive about my waistline.  I had lost 50 pounds over the course of a few years. I was about a size ten and I'd had to beg and scratch and starve and claw my way there.  I will never be a size 2.  It's ok.  I was finally able to buy jeans at those teeny-bopper-techno-music-playing-places at the mall and I relished that fact probably more than I had celebrated anything else in my entire life. 

I was a hungry, grouchy woman in a teenager's jeans.  

And then I met Tim, and all that didn't seem quite as important.  

     And then I gained weight.  I'm not going to tell you why or how or when or how much has happened, because that's not what this post is about, but the truth is, it's here. Not all of it again, but some.  Too much.  

So, I joined Weight Watchers.  

     And I obsessed over the scale again.  The thing is, when you used to worship the scale the way I used to worship the scale and then you sort of get over it, you know, immediately when you are starting to get a little nutty again.  

     I remember walking away from Weight Watchers and crying in the car because I had gained . 2 pounds or something ridiculous like that.  Point two pounds.  I remember hunkering in the car because I had hit a red light, and I didn't want anyone to see me crying.  

     And then I thought about God and how much he loves me and I knew, without a doubt, that He probably wasn't sure all this was such a Good Idea anymore.  

You see, we were not created to hunker.  Did you know that?  

It's true. 

So, I quit Weight Watchers.*  

     With Tim out of work and me coming home in tears, $40 a month wasn't doing us any favors.  

So where does that leave us now?  

     Well, I joined Sparkpeople and I set a goal to exercise 90 minutes a week.  We borrowed Just Dance for the wii and I'm researching other ways to exercise at home.  I am 29 days in, and I'm loving it.  Really.  

     I haven't gotten on the scale all month.  I'm just not *there* yet.  Sparkpeople is great because it teaches you to use the scale as a tool.  I'm still learning, and I'm waiting because while I may be acing the quiz, I'm not 100% convinced that I'm ready to pass the test.  

I don't know if I'm "losing" but I do know that I feel good.  Like, jump around the house good.  Like, "these pants fit a little better now"  good.  

     As I sit here in my bathrobe, listening to Tim sing to the dog** and watching the winter sunshine, I can't help but think about my friend (I wish), Meg.  You see, Meg is someone who has been there. Meg is getting it.  She gives me hope, and I can't get enough of her blog.  For more about her journey, click on the FED tab on the left of her page.  

Gush, Gush, Gush.  President of The I Heart Meg Fee Fan Club.  Lifetime Member.   

Enough said. 

     So, that's where we are.  It's funny because, I have tried, about a thousand times, to write the Why I Quit Weight Watchers post...dozens and dozens of half-written drafts in my blogger dash, but just couldn't hit submit.  

Well, today is the day I guess.  40 minutes or so and one cup of coffee later.  Here we are. No editing.  

Bah. This stuff is so hard.  

Anything is possible.  

Love, a brisk walk, and more Meg Fees, 

* For the record, I think WW can be a great program.  It works for a lot of people. The women there were very gracious.  While I learned a great deal, the meetings just weren't for me.  If you'd like to know more about why I quit or why I feel it wasn't working, please feel free to email me at   OR if you are on a journey of your own and just need a little encouragement, throw me a line.  I am an excellent on-line cheerleader, however my real-life toe touch leaves much to be desired.  

** In case you were wondering, here is part of Tim's song. "I've got a super good Scarlett-dog on my lap...ooohh ooohh ooohhh"  I think it's a hit.  


Maggie said...

Holly - I too, have quit Weight Watchers - several times in fact. I always used it online (I give you major props for going to the meetings - I never could!) and I agree it taught me things- I read more nutrition labels, paid more attention to portion sizes, etc. But for me, it is definitely not a way to live your life. I've kind of "yo-yo-ed" back and forth the past few years (like you, a few years ago I lost about 30 pounds and to this day, still get a little scared if the scale shows me something I don't want to see). Most recently, I began using it before my wedding - pretty typical to worry about weight before the big day I guess.

But I can't obsess over "points" every day of my life. And for me, there were always those days where someone takes you out to dinner, you can't say no and you pick something you think may be a good choice only to find out later it was all of your points for the day plus half your flex points.

Anyways, this is a long comment - but I say props to you. I would much rather aim for balance - eat good foods, exercise, get enough sleep - than stress over points every day. Best of luck my dear!

Allison said...

I'm with you, girl! I've been on and off WW several times (mostly off) and, while it worked great the first time around, I just can't do it again. And you'd think someone who works out as much as I do wouldn't have to worry about what she eats, right?

Well that's what worked for me for a while. But then it all caught up and came back. Boo.

So I'm aiming for balance, like Maggie mentioned. Less fast food, less processed junk. More organics when I can afford them, and less pre-packaged, preservative-laden foods. Hopefully that will help. Either way, no more hunkering!

Jordan said...

Holly, I loved this. This was just something I needed to hear.

Growing up, I was expected to be a carbon copy of my mother. I was to live out her memory since she had passed away. That is why I was never to dye my hair or want to straighten it. I was never allowed to get colored contacts. AND I was never allowed to let myself get over a certain weight.

I feared what would happen if I reached that certain weight. The closest I ever came to it was at age 16, but I was able to lose it. Now, my junior year in college, I am almost to that weight. I weighed myself approximately a little over a week ago, and I started to cry. I knew if I was living at home I would be on the verge of getting grounded or something.

But I know, that weight is just a number, and I am growing. I often yell about how I'd like to lose 25 pounds, to which many people express bewilderment on their face. God is not limited to a number on a bathroom scale. And I just needed this reminder.

So... thanks. =]

Toyin O. said...

I am sure you are beautiful the way you are,Good luck with your weight goals;you can do all things thru Christ who gives you the strenght.