But the truth is, I think that God and the idea of heaven makes life harder.
But only sometimes. Like now.
All I wanna do is what I wanna do, if that makes any sense. And it is hard. I think right now, all Tim and I want to do is be grumpy with each other about boring money and job-stuff and start selling each other's most prized positions.
Hands off my new record player, sir.
But we can't. Cause I don't think that's Part of The Plan.
It is tempting to come home and say, after Tim has so lovingly done all our laundry,
"If you ever put my 100% silk Gap dress in the washer again,
I will come at you with everything I have."
Wrong. No. Wrong. Wrong.
Jesus and I have found that a simple, "Thank you so much." Will suffice.
I love my parents' stories. They have stories about struggles; about moving here from California and being dirt poor and resilient and building a life here in the cold/hot/cold again midwest.
I write often about Our Future Kiddos, and I am fully aware that these are Our Stories. This here blog is actually one big fat, long story. I think I'm accountable to our kids for the way I act and what I write about now. That can get heavy. With that being said, I made some decisions about How I Want to Behave during this time of transition while Tim looks for a new job. Maybe someday, I will write more, but for now-
When it is all said and done, I want to be able to say, "We loved each other completely." I want to be able to say, that I don't know how I could have been more loving, more gentle, more supportive.
So far so good. ((she says, cautiously optimistic))
As you may already know, I hate January. I spent the better part of late 2010 feeling like a squirrel, trying to gather all the courage I could muster to face this cold, dark month. But I'm finding that when I quit complaining; when I bake cookies from scratch and go to The Art Museum with my besties and have spontaneous "help us finish this leftover dessert" parties- that is when the ease sets in. You see, there is ease in the trying. There is relief in the effort.
I am empty of answers, but my hands are open and gosh darnit, my heart is so full.