Monday, August 30, 2010

They'll Name a City After Us

     Tonight, I am going to tell you about how I am a terrible person.  That's right.  I have a truckload of school work to do, but tonight- The Blog wins.  When you give your life over to something for 8 hours a day, it is extremely difficult to continue to do so in the evenings.  I hope that doesn't make me bad at my job.  


((sigh))


Last weekend, we went to Nashville.  All in all, we had such a good time.  However, if we were to write it all down on paper, it would look as if it was terrible.  


I was weird.  I was high-maintenence.  I was one of those girls.  


You know the ones.  The ones who pout when no one picks their favorite restaurant or when you forget to compliment their new hair.  


Hard to believe, right?  


(((This is the part where you say, "Yes. It is hard to believe someone as sweet and adorable as you could be one of those girls. Just to let you know))).  


Ha.  


So, back to Nashville.  I was weird and grumpy.  Saturday Night, I had a dream about The Accident.  I haven't had one of those dreams in years and to tell you the truth, it left me feeling a bit glumpy.  (Glumpy?) Grumpy with an "l"?  Sounds good to me.  


I just couldn't shake it.  


So instead of fessing up and talking to Tim about his tone of voice and his tendency to parent me and my hurt feelings and this terrible dream, I just absolutely shut down and then came The Glumps.  


Glump. Glump.  


     We had a long talk in the car.  We always have our good, long talks in the car.  The truth is, Tim gave me the most heartfelt apology. That man gives amazing apologies.  He used my name.  My name.  Not Holls or Baby or Hon.  He used my name, and it almost humbled me to tears.  


What can I say?  "I'm sorry is oh-so-hard."  


Apparently, not for him. 


Do I know how to pick em' or what?  


     So we woke up and something happened that was almost like magic...or Jesus...or both.  We jumped in the shower together (you know you do it, too) and used silly voices and sang Queen songs.  


     I realize that I am a terrible person.  The truth is, marriage is hard.  It is hard.  It is hard because you have to be Not A Jerk.  You have to be humble and selfless and willing to give up control.  


     When you both are acting like Not A Jerk then it's magical.  More often than not, one of you IS being ridiculous and the other one has to spend a lot of time picking up the other one's slack.  


And when you are BOTH misbehaving?  Well, then you might as well just go kick rocks and forget it for the entire rest of the day.  


So, my answer is Jesus.  Always. Always. Jesus.  


There were times this weekend when the only prayer I could muster was God's name over and over and over again.  


A cord of three strands is not easily broken.  


So, I say all this at the risk of breaking my own rules (and did not ask Tim's permission, sorry, My Love) because when you fill your blog with pictures like this


it is easy to believe that we are adorable and perfect and that we wear matching pajamas and never get irritated when the other one runs late.  But the truth is...sometimes we are jerks.  Sometimes I have to say I'm sorry and stop shutting down and actually HELP him for crying out loud.  Sometimes the opposite is true.  


So, today is Monday.  If you feel terrible too, then chin up.  Here's to us trying to NOT be so terrible together.  


Tonight, I took Scarlett out for a bike ride and our neighborhood smelled like an open fire and clean laundry.  It was wonderfully intriguing.  That's gotta be a good sign, right?  


Love,
Someone who is sometimes a jerk

4 comments:

carmen @ life blessons said...

Aw, Holly :) I know all too well the Glumps that you speak of, although that's a much better vocab word for them than I'd ever thought up :)

Michael and I are taking a newlywed class at our church and one of the things that someone said that has stuck with me was that an apology neutralizes any argument. It's so true. But something I'm so bad at!

Good thing we've got husbands, huh? I think it's such a sign of a good leader (and the Holy Spirit within him!) when he can humble himself, put his wife first, and apologize so wholeheartedly and sincerely. Michael continues to awe me time and time again at how effortlessly he apologizes and forgives me, when I 100% don't deserve it!

Ahh, marriage. I can think of nothing more humbling :)

Mrs. Werginz said...

You did pick a great one who apologizes. It's okay to not always be nice but good for you for realizing when you aren't and trying to fix it!!

Kate said...

Okay. Your post was so refreshing, and I'm not even married yet. Engaged, yes, married no, but we sometimes already act like a married couple with misunderstandings/disagreements. And I have definitely shut down completely on my Fiancee. Countless times. Haha

YAY! I know it's sad how we all need to know we're not alone, but thanks so much for sharing your life in this way.

Hooray and huzzah for Christ and the Grace of our Heavenly Father.I am more and more amazed at how he lavishes us with his forgiveness and love! Wow. It's awesome. :)

sarah marie p said...

Thanks for this post & your honesty.

It's often hard not to compare your life to others, especially on the Internet ... sometimes it seems like everyone else is happy all the time or never fights with their husband. Thanks for reminding me that marriage is hard -- but that's OK! Everyone has fights from time to time, but this whole marriage business is totally worth it, of course! I love how your story ended with singing Queen songs. So cute! :)