Tonight, Tim and I had A Talk. That's right. A Talk. It was hard. But it was good. I didn't cry. But I did find myself asking him, "You're not....unhappy...are you?" He politely said, "no." God bless him.
So, he put on his p.j.'s because tonight's chat was particularly exhausting, and I made something very un-professional-like for dinner (hot dogs sauteed* with peppers and onions), drank warm fresca out of the can and tried to get all my thoughts to move in single file.
I worry about the failing marriages in this country. I think the danger lies in getting married and thinking that the other person is automatically going to be able to understand and follow every little crumb we throw down.
There are times when Tim will refer back to something I've said, and I think to myself, "THAT'S what you got out of that conversation!?!?!" Not as a criticism of him, per se, but more as an observation of how terribly inaccurate our points can sometimes come across.
I don't ever say, "He gets me." when I talk about Tim because the truth is, I hate to sound unromantic, but he doesn't. He doesn't GET me. (If you are one of those people who says this about your significant other, don't sweat it. It makes you no less adorable/compatible, but just hear me out.)
Does he understand my sense of humor? You betcha. Do we have similar upbringings? Spending styles? Parenting ideas? Of course. He supports my faith, my hobbies. He drowns out my fears.
But does he "get" me? Not a chance.
We had two completely different childhoods. Different upbringings. Different kinds of relationships. As man/woman, we use different parts of our brains, function with varying levels of chemicals in our bodies (estrogen/testosterone- not, you know, drugs). The list goes on.
The truth is, I did not realize I would have to fight for my marriage. This is not a bad thing, just something I had yet to discover when I said, "I do."
Because, let's face it. There are days where we don't necessarily fight each other. There are just days when I think we are fighting for each other...and it's exhausting...times when we are talking seriously in the hallway, and I notice that my newest craft project has lost a letter and now reads, "TRUE LOVE WILL FIN YOU IN THE END."
So I have to drive off to the craft store and spend entirely too much time in the yarn aisle, just waiting for The Glumps to subside.
I just wonder if the state of marriage in this country is in such disrepair simply because people are tired. Or they just don't know that all that fighting for each other? It's okay.
So, I don't say all this because we have all the answers (we don't). Or because we are perfect and wonderful and happy all the time (um. we kind of are). :)
I just say all this because I think if you catch yourself fighting for something... shoot, if you catch yourself just fighting, I want you to know that it's going to be okay.
He's not ever going to GET you. But he sure is going to try.
Love and unwarranted advice,
*Next time you fix something un-professional-like for dinner, just use the word "sauté." It makes everything sound so much fancier!