A Series of Dunkings

     I recently re-read the book, Crowded Skies: Letters to Manhattan by Tara Leigh Cobble.  She is one of my favorite authors, and writes about overcoming fear, loving Jesus, and finding your calling.  I wanted to share the following excerpt because, hello....were you here for my 2013?  ;)

     My Pastor, Tim Keller told a story once about a problem that some modern day shepherds were experiencing.  A rare kind of parasite started eating their sheep alive.  In order to protect them, the shepherds had to dunk the sheep in a tub full of disinfectant. 

     When they pushed the sheep under, the shepherds saw the looks of terror on their faces.  As far as the sheep knew, they were being forced into a slow, frightening death by drowning.   Even after they emerged from the tub, they still didn't have a full understanding of what had happened or why.  But without the shepherd to dunk them in the tub, they would've died a death far more painful than drowning.  The shepherd was saving their lives, making them stronger- but they had no way of knowing.  

    I also wrote about TLC here and here. 

She also wrote Here's to Hindsight and Orange Jumpsuit, and you won't find a bad read in the bunch. 

Love and hold your breath, 

You are the prize

     I'm not the one who originally said this, although I really wish I was.  This quote was made by a man named Lee the Pastor and can be found in Tara Leigh Cobble's newest release, Orange Jumpsuit.  

     You might remember last year, I read her second book and it prompted me to pray a prayer that changed my life in a way that I could never have imagined.  In fact, we are still navigating through those changes.  But I am trusting in God that we will have a happy ending.  Maybe not a happy ending, but an ending that will prove to be "enough."

This year, her third book as inspired me to spend 2012 focusing on God.  It's that simple and yes, it's just that complicated.  All rolled in to one.

     Anyway, it is interesting because you'd think this quote only applied to single women, but I find myself trying to live it's truth everyday.  I try to look at Tim and say to myself, "You are not his mother."

     And then, last week, I noticed he was gathering his things for the gym while still wearing his slippers.  Trying desperately not to be *that* wife, I refrained from reminding him to grab his tennis shoes.

     He is a good husband.  And because of that, I'm not going to tell you how the story ended even though it's pretty funny.

You can probably guess.

     With that being said, you should read her books.  You really should.  It feels like you are reading one long email from your best friend.

Go here for the down low.  http://taraleighcobble.com/#/home

Love and no more swords,
H.

Oskar's List

     I know the internet will be overwhelmed with blog posts, tweets, and Facebook status updates about 9/11.  I definitely do not want to be overly dramatic (because I didn't lose anyone on that day), but I absolutely dread this date every year.  Not that anyone actually looks forward to it, but the feeling seems to get worse as I get older.

     This time last year, I had just finished reading Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close which is about a boy named Oskar who loses his father in the attacks on September 11th.

   To put it bluntly, after reading it, I got a little obsessed.  I can remember spending the better part of an entire day finishing the book and then researching facts about 9/11.  Watching youtube videos.  Looking up documentaries.  The list goes on.

     I started trying to list really obscure things that would have been in the buildings at the time.  It sounded like something Oskar would do.  Someone had walked in the office and put their lunch in the fridge.  I bet someone had a houseplant on their desk.

Man, I love a good houseplant.

And listing things made me sad.

     It was sort of sick.  Really.  Not sick as in "twisted" but sick as in maybe not that healthy.  I guess I was trying to re-grieve if that's possible.  I don't know.  I think, perhaps, I was trying to make the whole thing more relatable.  I have always had a hard time wrapping my head around all of it.

     I woke up this morning with a lot of hope.  I love Cincinnati.  I love Ohio.  I adore this country.  I know we've had our mess ups.  Plenty.  But I believe we are a nation that always roots for the underdog.  We are still a nation "under God" whether people want to believe that or not.  The Bible is full of characters who have screwed up and afterwards been rescued...redeemed.

I think we are a nation in waiting.  We are waiting to be rescued by Jesus.

This weekend, I'm going to light a candle, say a prayer, and be grateful.

Be near, O God.

Source: fortheloveofprep.tumblr.com via Holly on Pinterest

Love,
H.

They Made a Statue of Us

photo sources here  here and here  

    


  My book is so good.  That's right.  It.is.so.good.  It is the kind of book that makes me lose all my social skills- to the point where I am adding those five out-of-the-blue-words to any conversation I can squeeze them into.  


Tim: (cleaning out the DVR)  This episode of How I Met Your Mother...is it old? Is it a re-run? 

Me:  Yes. Yes it is.  Tim...

Tim:  What, baby?

Me:  My book is so good.

Tim: Good baby.  Good. I'm glad your book is so good.  What about Property Ladder...?  Is this new...?



     I'm not going to give you the summary.  You can go here for that.  Oh yea, and watch the video.  Based on his picture in the "About the Author" section, I expected JSF to be boring and pretentious, but he's not. In the video, he is simply delightful.  


Just read it.  


    It is a sad book, but it is necessary if that makes any sense at all.  Maybe someday, you will know what I mean.  I think I mean it is sad in a way that is necessary because it is honest.  It is true.  


(sigh)


Maybe someday. 


     On the way home in the car, we had A Talk.  There was yelling, but not "I am so mad at you" yelling.  It was DON'T YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN?!?!?  kind of yelling.  


I have come to the conclusion that Tim and I are both very passionate.  Which I like.  

     I told him this car ride was like a marathon.  Some runners need a marathon a year- a race in which they think they are going to throw up or pass out or die or maybe all of the above, but that is what keeps them motivated to run the rest of the year.  


Our talk?  It was kind of like that.  


     At one point, I looked down at my open book and glanced down to find this quote from Oskar, the main character.  

     I tried the key in all all of the doors, even though he said he didn't recognize it.  It's not that I didn't trust him, because I did.  It's that at the end of my search I wanted to be able to say: I don't know how I could have tried harder.    Oskar Schell Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close, Johnathan Safran Foer 

And a light went on.

     If I were writing a letter to someone else on their wedding day- someone who is asking for advice, I would say to them- marriage is about trying harder.  Marriage is about always trying harder.

     And I thought about Tim and I and the claw marks we had left on our marriage, not out of malice or spite but out of simply trying to hold on- a cat who has almost missed the next window sill.

And then I felt better.

Read the book.  It has nothing and everything to do with marriage.

Love and probably more claw marks,

Fireworks, Beasts & Baseball

      


     Every year, towards the end of May, we venture down to The Great American Ballpark to watch The Reds and take in one of the free fireworks shows that are scheduled after specific games.  

     
     This tradition is always very special to me because it is the first 'outing' we took as a family after my accident.  For the longest time, I couldn't figure out how to describe what it was we were doing during that game.  What were we so desperately trying to do?  We were not trying, necessarily, to fill in the spaces because I think what happened actually LEFT more behind than it took.  I will not say we were "trying to find a new normal" because that sounds too much like Dr. Phil, and as much as I like Dr. Phil, it still just doesn't seem fitting.  


     So, for a long time, I didn't know exactly what it was we were doing.  We were healing, but we were also doing something else.  


Anyway... 


     I started reading a fantastic new book called A Three Dog Life by Abigail Thomas.  Abigail and her husband had been living in New York City and married for 13 years when her husband suffered a traumatic brain injury after being hit by a car while chasing after their beagle.  It changes him forever- hallucinations, mood swings, severe memory loss.  Eventually, she buys a house in the country (after acquiring two more dogs), and he moves to a nearby facility that specializes in helping patients who live with TBI.  This book is about her life after the accident.  


     She is a beautiful writer.  In the beginning of her memoir, she says that she and her family spent a lot of time "trying to tame what happened" and I thought, 


"Yes.  That's exactly it."  

The Reds Game.  That is what we were doing- that is what we ARE doing.  We are trying to tame what happened.  


     I often tell people that Scarlett is part cocker, part jack russell and part (coyote/wild beast/orangutang or whatever animal happens to strike my fancy that day).  There is a rather large part of her heart that is still, in a sense, wild.  The other day, I found her on the coffee table- all four paws firmly planted, watching a mayfly; a lioness ready to attack.  


     I don't particularly care for crossing streets.  I don't like it.  I despise how people in movies never seem to watch where they're going.  While watching movies, I often fear that people are going to suddenly be struck as part of the plot line (think the opening scene of Meet Joe Black), even during romantic comedies.  I shout in my head, "Watch out, Kate Hudson! Watch out!"  


See.  Even though, after 5 years, I am now able to approach what happened with an outstretched hand, even though I am now able to occasionally scratch behind it's ears...


part of what happened is still wild.  


It took about 4 years to get the insurance settlement money.  I am very proud to say that not a penny of it went towards shoes, much to my dismay.  For the most part, we tried to be smart with it.  A down payment on a house.  An IRA.  Student loans.  
     But this upcoming trip?  This trip is for me.  This trip is for us.  The last little bit of what we had squirreled away (separate from our normal 'real life' savings account, of course)  is what we are using to fund the majority of this vacation.  I am hoping it will bring some more closure.  


     I hope and pray that once I am able to stand next to the Bixby Canyon Bridge off the coast of California and nuzzle my husband, this thing that happened will finally roll over and let me scratch it's belly.  

We shall see.  


Love, 
H.